Thursday, November 20, 2008

Lucky to be his investment

Freshman year of college, after hanging out in my suite for a while, Sam Reverferd asked me to take a walk. We met at orientation before school started. He and his high school friend, Gary, his future roommate, came over to sit with me and the girl the school roomed me with for the weekend orientation. We were in the dining hall, and I was eating a cheese sandwich—soon to become the staple of my college diet.

Within the first few weeks of school, Sam and I became very good friends. He and Gary came to mine and my roommate Lisa’s room a lot. Everyday after classes and in between classes Sam would lounge in my chair and chat with me while Gary would sit at Lisa’s desk playing minesweeper.

Taking a walk with Sam was not unusual, but when he stopped in front of the vending machines in our dorm before we even got outside, I got a little curious. He turned with his back to the wall, leaned against it and folded his arms with his palms against his chest. I notice many thin guys fold their arms like this. His movements were cool and casual. His leg was bent so the bottom of his sneaker was on the white wall. “I’m interested in you,” he said. He was so nonchalant, almost as if he wasn’t going to care what my response was going to be. I don’t remember what I said to Sam after his confession. Honestly, I don’t think I remembered by the time I got back up to my room, because I was so caught off guard by his words. I had only thought of him as a friend and only wanted to be that much.

“I’m interested in you.” I kept replaying the words over and over in my head and out loud to Lisa. It would make us laugh…but why? Maybe the words he used made it seem like a business transaction was about to happen, like I’m interested in by 20 shares of stock. Maybe, coupled with his body language, they seemed arrogant, like he was letting me know I was lucky enough for him to make an investment in me. He wanted to become a stakeholder in the S-ie S. estate. Sam’s words were so mechanical and cold.

It’s so easy to see how G lured me in to be his girlfriend and to move in with him. It was his romantic human movements, his warmth, his compliments and how he showed me he wanted to give me happiness.

We wouldn’t have moved in together if he initiated our relationship by acting as though I was the piece of land where he was trying to stick his flag post…

Friday, June 13, 2008

Sports-my new hobby

I don't mind watching football and basketball. In fact, I think sports could be fun to watch. Even if I didn't like sports, I would still read an overview to learn who won and if teams are in the finals or playoffs or just the regular season. Sports are such a part of our culture and I like to be able to be a participant in a conversation if sports come up. Also, in business, there are so many analogies to sports that I think having sports knowledge puts me a step ahead, instead of a step behind.

Sports are on tv all the time. If its not Saturday through Monday night football, it's a basketball game every other day, or a baseball game every single day. When your boyfriend is such a sports fan that he watches a game almost everyday, it's like a hobby. Just because it's his hobby, does it have to be mine?

We're away from each other for a majority of the week working, so when we're both home, I want to spend time together and he says he wants to spend time with me too. Sometimes the only way to do that is to watch the game with him. I want to take walks together and eat dinner without the tv on--but miss the game? Not an option. Now that I am living with him am I forced to make sports my hobby, or leave during game time to take part in my own hobbies? When we were living separately, I'd go to his house with the intention to watch the game, but now that we're here together, I think of all I could accomplish on my own instead of watching the game.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008


Perhaps my previous blog was too idealistic. Sometimes a relationship feels so perfect. You feel like you can trust the other person 100%. Every moment you spend together is fun and still very exciting. I'm really not this idealistic. My parents divorced after 25 years of marriage. It was partially a trust issue. If one told the other his/her thoughts instead of letting a bad mood turn into a screaming match, the straying feelings for each other wouldn't seem so much like lies. You can't always help your diminishing interest in someone, but shouldn't it be possible to talk about it so the other person has warning...a single chance? It seems so rare that people can trust that their mate will have one focus --you--for their whole entire life. This all sounds like it comes from an insecure person, but I am definitely not insecure. In fact I believe in falling in love with one person forever, wanting their happiness more than your own and doing anything you can to make life easier for them. My parents' divorce didn't inflict a huge scar on my soul, but maybe it added a little caution to my personality. When I am not told the truth, I do throw up a shield because I can't have a 25 year relationship die.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

No more unknown

Isn't it nice to not have to worry about things like whether he wants you for a relationship or just to fool around? I get to come home every day and kiss his lips without any fear that I will want him more as a boyfriend and he will only want me for fun...OR...the sad situation for him where I may be fooling him because I only want him for an occassional date with benefits and he thinks we are something special. I get to throw my arms around him knowing he wants me to do it every time and he wants me around today, tomorrow and the next day.

I was talking to a friend recently about his new prospect and he said he asked this new guy, who he met on line, if he was looking for a friend, a relationship or just a hookup. Whatever the guy said made my friend think he wanted a hookup, but they guy never actually said the word hookup. My friend got a call from the guy one day asking him if he was home, because he wanted to stop by. My friend was not home, but wouldn't have had him come over anyway, he said, because to him, the call meant he just wanted to come over to fool around. My friend wanted more than just a hookup. He said he would not rush to the bedroom (or in his case, the other side of the bookcase which partitioned the bed from the couch in his studio apartment).

A few days later, the guy called my friend at work and asked him if he wanted to go out for a coffee in the afternoon to take a little break from the workday. My friend went and took this as a sign that the guy does not want just a hookup, but would like to establish a relationship with my friend.

There are so many ways to interpret people's actions. If the guy just said what he wanted: a relationship, a friend or a hookup, my friend and I would not have to have endless discussions about what the minute things this guy does actually mean.

When I was dating different guys, my uncle once said to me, "I don't envy you." It is hard on your emotions to have to figure someone out and possibly misread them, but don't we also love the unknown, the challenges and the possibilities?

Maybe there is a time in your life for everything, because right now, I am so content that I can just know.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Can I finish before we talk about bills?

When you're dating, the time you set aside for your boyfriend is solely to concentrate on him and be in the moment of enjoying your togetherness. You eat together, talk to each other, kiss each other, warm each other.

When you live together your talking involves food shopping, cleaning, plans, and things you need to do as part of making your home together. The days of dates filled solely with you and him dressed in blinders to only see and think of each other are over. Having children must enhance this by 800 percent.

When we're making out, the last thing I want to think of is if we've paid the cable bill...but I do think of it because he is the person I'd talk to about paying the cable bill. I try to wait and push the thought out of my mind, saving it for later. Sometimes I do wait, but other times I don't trust my memory. Thinking I'll forget I say it, "Did we finish paying the bills this month?" This one question can be tolerated, but if I ask another or say , "We really need to remember to shut the lights when we leave a room," the mood has become less passionate.

We need to bring the dates back and I should remember, that I will remember to tell him about the bills and the lights...later.

Monday, April 7, 2008

The Boss

We woke up at 10:30 am and our company was coming at three o'clock. We still had to cook every item on our tapas menu, clean the apartment and run to Whole Foods for all the ingredents we forgot to buy. It seemed like plenty of time and it was, especially because G does half the work. He really does. When he isn't sure what to do, he asks what he can do. When he is done with one job, he asks me what he can do next. He's the greatest partner in everything.

As he's chopping onions and I'm stirring the pasta, the water bowls over, I'm simultaneously seasoning the vegetables, lowering the burner, wiping the counter, and I speak outloud. "The floor still needs to be cleaned...the couch pillows are messy...can you go to the store to get more tortellini?"

I guess that was a loaded statement because after 4 or 5 more tri-compound statement/questions, G told me I was bossy. I didn't think so.

Still, I thought about it. He was doing everything that needed to get done to prepare for our company and the day. I felt I just needed to say what else needed to be done out loud so that one of us would do the remaining tasks. I didn't mean to be bossy.

I realized I may have come across as bossy. He lets me tell him everything that needs to be done. He gives me the option of what choices to make and how they should be done I apologized for sounding bossy.

I wonder if being bossy is something that's in me or something that he has fostered by doing everything I want and I have taken advantage. Hmmm.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Your half is bigger than mine?

Going to sleep with him is so comfortable. We get under the t-shirt sheets and big down comforter and snuggle up close together. It feels so nice to be close with his arms around me. It's getting later, and I still havent fallen asleep. I realize that I'm not so comfortable and I need to turn over. I think he realizes the same because we mutually let go and retreat to our sides of the bed.

In the middle of the night I'm awaken because my right leg is tense trying to keep itself from slipping off the side of the bed. He's migrated over to my side and I'm scrunched up trying to tell myself that I have enough space be relaxed and to fall back to sleep. After about a minute (which seems like 10 when you're awake in the middle of the night) I give up and push him over. He says, in a raspy whisper, "what?" "Can you please move over," I say. "I'm on my side," he says. "No, you're right in the middle," I say. He moves over, submitting to my request, probably because he is very disinterested in striking up a debate at 3am.

In the morning he tells me he thinks my half of the bed must be bigger than his. I tell him there was room for another person on his side of the bed at 3am. He disagrees.