Old School

Moving in with a boyfriend was always an unspoken and known no no in my family. The strong Sicilian old school style of my father pervaded our home and my Jewish mother submitted to this ideal. I submitted to this “ideal” and my younger sister always had too. Then we got older and my view, and I learned my sister’s also view became; get engaged, then move in with him.

She got engaged and moved in with him. They weren’t 19 and 24 like my parents when they got married, but 27 and 30 instead and they were ready to start combining their stuff and buying more stuff together. Also, after having many roommate experiences (some great, some traumatic and horrible), something my parents never had, they wanted to learn how to live with each other before the ultimate commitment.

“What about religion?” my father said to my mother. “Don’t they believe in God?” he went on. This sin against God--moving in with your boyfriend--is the worst thing that someone could possible do.

He never took us to church or said a prayer with us. Not once during our entire childhood. My mother took us to the Synagogue a few times and said a Chanukah prayer with us, but religion was more about food and culture to us. I used to think and think about what I wanted to be…Catholic or Jewish. My mother’s friend told me I didn’t have to choose, but that didn’t make sense to me at the time when I was so young. I decided culture was enough for me for now. If anything my mother should be upset, but she wasn’t. She feels that as long as you trust that there is a plan to get married and have children, at this age (I’m 30 and she’s dying to have grandchildren) it’s ok but still not ideal.

So, what about religion? Don’t people who have chosen a strong faith live with their boyfriends? Yes! I know plenty of them. In fact, they have babies before their vows are taken too.